Honeymoon Trail Rides

Honeymoon Trail Rides
My husband and I on a trail ride for our honeymoon month. I am riding my oldest child Too Much Cow (Molly) who I've had since she was in her Mommy's tummy and Bob is riding Shady. A very sweet Appaloosa owned by my adopted auntie Sue.

Friday, April 23, 2010

BROKEN LOVE


MY Spectre around me night and day
Like a wild beast guards my way;
My Emanation far within
Weeps incessantly for my sin.

‘A fathomless and boundless deep,
There we wander, there we weep;
on the hungry craving wind
My Spectre follows thee behind.

'He scents thy footsteps in the snow
Wheresoever thou dost go,
Thro’ the wintry hail and rain.
When wilt thou return again?

’Dost thou not in pride and scorn
Fill with tempests all my morn,
And with jealousies and fears
Fill my pleasant nights with tears?

‘Seven of my sweet loves thy knife
Has bereavèd of their life.
Their marble tombs I built with tears,
And with cold and shuddering fears.

‘Seven more loves weep night and day
Round the tombs where my loves lay,
And seven more loves attend each night
Around my couch with torches bright.

‘And seven more loves in my bed
Crown with wine my mournful head,
Pitying and forgiving all
Thy transgressions great and small.

‘When wilt thou return and view
My loves, and them to life renew?
When wilt thou return and live?
When wilt thou pity as I forgive?’
‘O’er my sins thou sit and moan:
Hast thou no sins of thy own?
O’er my sins thou sit and weep,
And lull thy own sins fast asleep.

‘What transgressions I commit
Are for thy transgressions fit.
They thy harlots, thou their slave;
And my bed becomes their grave.
‘Never, never, I return:
Still for victory I burn.
Living, thee alone I’ll have;
And when dead I’ll be thy grave.

‘Thro’ the Heaven and Earth and Hell

Thou shall never, quell:
I will fly and thou pursue:
Night and morn the flight renew.’

‘Poor, pale, pitiable form
That I follow in a storm;
Iron tears and groans of lead
Bind around my aching head.
‘Till I turn from Female love
And root up the Infernal Grove,
I shall never worthy be
To step into Eternity.
‘And, to end thy cruel mocks,
Annihilate thee on the rocks,
And another form create
To be subservient to my fate.

‘Let us agree to give up love,
And root up the Infernal Grove;
Then shall we return and see
The worlds of happy Eternity.

‘And throughout all Eternity
I forgive you, you forgive me.
As our dear Redeemer said:
“This the Wine, and this the Bread.”’



William Blake



Tuesday, April 20, 2010

When are You Grown?


When do you know that you're an adult?  When is that you know that you can't run home again?  Is it when you graduate from high school?  Is that an instant induction to adulthood?  Or is it when you pack your car full of all the necessities and drive off for that first time?  Maybe it's when you have your first place and a real job living on top ramen and diet dr pepper so that you can afford gas, rent and cool clothes and the only time you really eat is when you show up for Sunday dinner or go on a date.  Or is it when you have your first real heart break.  Your tears must make you an adult, right?  Maybe it's when you give birth to your first child.  When you hold that beautiful creature in your arms and see his sweet little face and know everything was worth all the trouble you went through to have him.  Maybe it's when you say I do to the man you fell instantly in love with.

I don't really know, most of the time I don't feel like I'm all that grown up.  Even though I have a son who will be 11 in 3 weeks and my baby will be 9 two weeks after that.  My stepson who I've just gotten to know well in the past year is thinking about getting married to a girl who seems nice, although I haven't actually met her yet.  He's happy and that makes me happy.  

But, sometimes a song will come on the radio that will remind me of some crazy party, club, or boyfriend that I had at the time the song came out and during the time I was  scrimping and saving  every penny to pay my bills and tuition and keep from having to move home.   I'll daydream for a bit about what it used to be like and then back to reality.  Somewhere along the way the partying stopped being important, once I had those beautiful little boys with their dark brown hair and beautiful big brown eyes that follow me everywhere and still think that I'm the smartest Mama they know.  Everything that was once important isn't any longer. 

One of my dearest friends died 2 weeks ago.  He was 89 1/2 years old.  He always said if you want to stay young be around young at heart people, grow old by being around old fogies.  I will never let my hair grow grey, I will always dance in the rain and snow, I'll always make snow angels with my boys, color with crayons and blow bubbles to make the cats dance and little boys laugh, I'll always crank the radio when I hear one of my favorite songs, dance just to dance and keep my hair long because my husband thinks I'm beautiful that way and I myself love my hair long, I will always feel just a little like a gypsy at heart.  I love flashy jewelry, painting abstract realism, my crazy dogs, listening to music of every sort, cooking new recipes and traveling around the world and starting conversations in mid sentence with my friends that I've had since I was a little girl. 

I hope that someday when I pass on my sons will have nothing but fond memories of our time together just  like my friend's family has of him.