The mob within the heart

The mob within the heart by Emily Dickinson

The mob within the heart
Police cannot suppress
The riot given at the first
Is authorized as peace

Uncertified of scene
Or signified of sound
But growing like a hurricane
In a congenial ground.

Learning to Travel by Yourself

I've never been afraid to travel by myself. I know that feeling like that isn't always the wisest decision in times like these, but that's how I am. My parents raised me to be independent and inquisitive. We traveled a lot when I was a kid and teenager, up and down the West Coast attending various Rodeos, Horse Shows, and visiting family. My mother always made a point of making detours when she saw the road signs for a historic landmark or a museum, when we had time. We did a lot of sight seeing for free. At the time I would groan and wish that we could just get on with it. The distance between our home and the horse shows was sometimes very great and we had a 1977 Ford Pickup with a single cab and no air conditioning. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy seeing new country, I did. You just get tired of sitting next to your annoying little brother for hours on end. I enjoy reading but get very car sick so couldn't distract myself with that.

Mom found some great things for us to see and do. One of my favorites was stopping to see the Multonamah Falls in Oregon. I think I was around 11 or 12 and loved the legend of the Indian princess sacrificing herself to save her people from sickness. If you ever get to travel along the Columbia River Gorge, stop there and walk up to the falls. It's really worth the hike. Traveling has always been a passion in my family. My Auntie used to travel all over the world even after she had been diagnosed with cancer. She passed that on to my mom and I. My Grammie helped instill the travel bug in me also. My first memory that I clearly have was visiting Los Angeles with her to see my mom's next eldest sister. They took me to swim in the Pacific Ocean and visit Disneyland. I really didn't like "It's a Small World", but I loved playing with my aunt and watching her play her cello.

So having had the "travel bug" bite at such a young age I jumped at the chance to travel to Ireland last year when my husband was working over in Kinsale, County Cork. His company had rented him a flat and a car so we only had to pay for a ticket and spending money. We shopped and shopped for weeks before settling on a itinerary that suited our plans. He was over in Ireland already so I would have to fly by myself. Some of my girlfriends couldn't believe that I would dare to do something like this, especially since I had to stay the night in Chicago. It was 15 to 20 below zero that night. Holy Cow it was cold! But you know what? I loved it! I stayed at a hotel that I'd found on Hotel.com and it was run by a Hindu family that couldn't have been nicer. I got to see the Statue of Liberty as I flew into Newark Airport. I was at Newark for 4 1/2 hrs and wish that I could have gone out to see her but was assured by my husband that there was no way I would make it back in time. Oh well, that will be another trip, one to take with all of our boys.

I wish that people did not make it seem like traveling is such a chore. Yes, sometimes you run into grumpy people who are determined to be unhappy but for the most part a smile and thank you does wonders for getting people to be nice to you. My husband borrowed a GPS from one of the men he worked with during my stay. So it was programmed with Irish maps and I could safely drive around without getting lost. I might still be there if it hadn't been for that GPS. My husband tried to show me how to drive my 2nd day there but he made me too nervous and we gave up. He, however, ended up getting pneumonia and I decided that I wasn't going to sit in the flat the whole trip. So I took him to a doctor, got him medicine, bedded him down and went on my way.

I've fallen in love instantly twice - once with my husband and once with Ireland. It wasn't just the green hills rolling and rolling into the distance, the acres of sheep or the rivers that popped out of no where. It was the layers of history upon layers of history that unfold within a few miles. We were staying in the South East corner of Ireland in the country's largest county and in one week I didn't see all that I wanted to in that area. I had researched carefully sites that I wanted to see. I had decided that I had to see Mizen Head. This is in the most SE corner of Ireland that you can stand on and it is amazing and humbling to stand there on a rock with black waves crashing around you. You feel like you are the only person on the planet as you watch the waves. Right behind me was a Druid tomb and within a stones throw there was a 15th century graveyard and ruined church.

The first day I was there we saw a keep that belonged to the National Trust with IRA spray painted on the side. I, of course had to get a picture. I had to show my friends and family at home this amazing site. Some friends my husband had made prior to me arriving assured me that the "troubles" had been over for years and that I had nothing to worry about. They were totally right! All of the people, and I mean all were very polite and kind. I found a vegan cafe one day in my wanderings and had lunch and a cuppa tea sharing a table with some gentlemen that had IRA tattoos on their arms. They were great and told me about some sites to try and take in. My friend Nuula and I rode the bus and train up to Cobh and walked all around the city taking pictures and shopping.

I was there for 10 days and never felt more at home in my life except when I come home to my sagebrush. I keep telling my husband that we need to win the lottery so that he can buy me a 2nd home there. I've even researched family farms that we could buy. He just laughs and tells me some day. My husband and parents always tell me to be careful and have fun, take lots of pictures. Its amazing getting to travel as much as I have and hope that I get to continue this way. My sons got to go with me on their first airplane ride this past July and now they too have the "travel bug" and want to know when we can go on another adventure. I'm glad that my parents raised me to be independent and inquisitive enough to travel and enjoy new cultures on my terms and not to be dependent on someone else to tell me what I should see or do. Traveling the way I've learned from my family lets me really learn about places and learn from the people I meet.

Learning to Sleep Alone

It's been 4 days since I got on several planes to come home from seeing my husband in Charleston, South Carolina. 14 hrs of flying and 2200 miles do not ease or erase the pain of leaving him again. We've been married for 20 months and I always thought that it would get easier to take each time that I had to come home. It doesn't.

Oh, your busy making your flights and putting up with crabby airport people so you don't really think about it then. Just the sharp stab of goodbye as you get ready to go through security and that wave goodbye with a blown kiss. Then you get home and the little boys and animals are so happy to see you thier hugs and kisses ease the lonlieness to the back of your mind for a while.

It's after you've put everyone to bed, swept up, done any dishes and washed your face that it starts to hit. Turning back the bed you realize how cold and univiting the bed you so carefully decorated looks. But it's already 10:30 so you have to get to bed. There's work tomorrow and you already look haggard from the traveling. So try and watch a show that you recorded while you were gone. Fall asleep for a couple hours and wake up around 1 reaching for your husband. I do this several times each night, after every trip. I really hate it when I wake up saying his name. My grandmother once told me that when you do this the person you called for was thinking about you and missing you. I hope that's true.

So tonight is night 5 and I'll do it all over again. The little boys are going to bed and my sweet husband is 3 times zones away so it's too late to hear his voice once more. I'll say my prayers, look in on the boys and watch some TV for a bit.

Tomorrow will be a new adventure.